Emotional Defrag

So, we had graduation today.  What that means is that two of the ladies in the house completed the ceremony and have now left our home.  It's part of the job, but man it's rough.  It's so exciting that it'll take your breath away but at the same time it leaves you feeling like part of your family is gone, because they are.

Our program is more of a family then it actually is a program.  The ten students that we have become sisters to each other.  They are together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  (And yes, it gets as tedious as it sounds.)  The bonds and the relationships that they build are the some of the first healthy ones that some of these women have ever had.  The two ladies that left today were key in the dynamic of the house.

I didn't realize how much this would impact me until I found myself staring at the walls in the office trying to will myself to do something.  One of the ladies told me tonight that I can't hold my emotions in because it will get to be bad real quick.  The issue is that I feel the need to be this strong, steady person for them because no one else has been.  On days like today I usually fail at that.  Today was no different.

I broke apart tonight.  Not in some huge emotional snot-fest, but in a weeping, teary eyed push through it kind of way.  It was really amazing though.  Because in the middle of me having to deal with myself I was also having to deal with an argument that had occurred.  I love how just when we feel like we have no value and no use God will prove to us that he is still able to not only use us, but that he wants us.

Tonight was about me being reminded that I am not alone and that all the ladies here are more then just my students, they are also my sisters.  One of Satan's tricks is to make us think that we are alone in this mess called life.  It's a lie.  We are not alone.  God is with us and he will usually provide a network of people to support and encourage you when you need it the most.  And if not, He will be more then enough support for you.  He has proven this more times that I can count in my life and in the history of the church.

So, tonight as I am emotionally empty and drained I turn to him and choose to rest in His presence because I am not alone.  I am his and he is mine.

Emotionally done,

Mel C